Loss: Wishing and Thanks.

East Amman as seen from the Citadel

I wish I would have gone out more. I would have gotten into the taxi told him "Wasfi al-Balad, law samaht.", and gotten lost among the winding streets of downtown Amman, always taking photos, because photos are memories. I would have gone to Al-Salt more and wandered around that ancient, beautiful city. I would have gone to the church built in the seventeenth century for Easter service, even though I had just gotten back from Wadi Rum the night before, and probably would have been late, but then everyone is late in the Middle East. I should have taken more buses than taxis, because that is how everyone travels and it is so cheap. I would have gotten lost, been late, and gotten frustrated, but it would have been worth it. Just one more story to tell. I would have wandered more at night, because everything is still alive at night, and the colours of the city are breathtaking. I would have gone to Jerusalem, to Ramallah, to Jaffa, to Karak, to Azraq, to the Jordan Valley. I would have asked more questions. I would have tried to speak more Arabic, and in the process made more mistakes. I would have listened more intentionally to the call to prayer, because now, sitting at college in America I sometimes try to listen for a strain of it in the wind, but it's not there. I would have gone to the market more. Not the fruit and vegetable dukan by our apartment, but the market by Al-Husseini Mosque, the Friday Market at Abdali, and I would have found Souk Jara. I would have breathed more deeply. Because that place was filled with scents and odors that reminded me of home.

And while some of these would-haves are irreplaceable, others are things which I might be able to do next time. Inshallah bshoufek mara itani, ya Urdun!

But there is so much that I am thankful for as well.
I am thankful for Balqees, for going so far above and beyond being our Arabic teacher, for taking us to restaurants to practice, for showing us how things are done in Jordan, for being extremely compassionate and patient with us when we committed cultural faux pas and got things wrong in Arabic class, for graciously inviting us to her home for an afternoon and evening. Allah ybarek feek, ya Balqees!

I am thankful for Loay, Beth, and Hind, for being wonderful teachers and pouring their treasuries of knowledge into our minds, even though they probably won't be there to see their impact on us, even though they do this every semester to a new group of strange American college students. Thank you for teaching us, for answering our questions, and for offering your assistance.

I am thankful for Mohammed and Cecile for being great leaders. For taking care of us, and going on excursions with us all over Jordan.

I am thankful to have lived in a Muslim country. To learn about Islam and the way in which Muslims follow God. To hear the call to prayer every day, and to adopt some aspects into my own faith, particularly such extreme reverence for God not found elsewhere. I am grateful for my friendships with Muslims that I met this trip. You guys are awesome, and I love that our different faiths did not keep us from having great friendships! Uhib antum kteer.

I am thankful for the food. The falafel sandwiches which we ate when we ran out of groceries in the middle of the week. The shawarma lahm from Shawarma Reem, arguably the best shawarma in Amman. The hummus from Hashem is the best I have ever had. Really, all the street food was tantalizingly delicious. Helu kteer! (Except for the sugar cane juice. That I think might be an acquired taste.)
Tea. Limun ma3 na3na3.

I am thankful for the people. For my wonderful Arab friends, for my incredible teachers, for the ISA staff, and for Beit al-ISA

A Jordanian man in the traditional kuffiyeh

I am thankful for the memories. "Mabrock!!" (love you Josh :P), 201's daily Arabic study/homework sessions at school or Gloria Jeans, 201's post-school ice-cream and Sherlock times, Monday night Game of Thrones, our trips to the Friday market at Abdali, the first trip to Wadi Rum and sleeping on top of the rocks and forgetting Jack in a random village and Nadia going Darija on the taxi driver ("Tehki 'Wallah!'") and trying to get into a nice hotel beach in Aqaba ("Gorman"), chilling with Bedouins smoking hash in Petra, unsuccessfully trying to go to three different churches for Easter Sunday and getting koshary instead, getting to and from Umm Qais, walking the girls back to their apartment late at night, witnessing taxi driver fights (and when Josh tried multiple times to replicate the roundhouse kicks back in the university), which reminds me of *drumroll* Josh's laugh!!,  Acts with Josh and finding a house church, going to Cecile's church with Josh, Grace, and Trinidad and getting fruit bowls afterwards, going to the kebab restaurant in Salt with Balqees and Joshua's tomb ("It's not kidnapping if they say 'Ahlan wa sahlan!'"), the times with Raihan, Argina, Leo, and Joey, the family birthday dinners (Operation Halal Birthday Dinner), the late night walks, Rainbow Street with Grace and going to the Good Book Shop and sharing ice-cream with a little boy, the time that we practically got dinner for free by walking down Gardens street and checking out random stores (hospitality is incredible), our bus driver Musa, the time Josh and I were trying to pray and an inebriated guy tried to sell us honey, (but Josh got it down from 30 JD to 3), secret agent Damen, when Cara and I went downtown to study for Islam and take photos and this guy thought we were married and wanted to see where we lived and then called me for weeks afterwards, lunches at the university which were always fun--Indiana, Pizza, or Faruz ("Hillary!"), my first taxi ride in Jordan with Jack and Grace (We couldn't hear for a bit afterwards, but alhamdulillah we didn't die!), sneaking into King Abdullah mosque with Raihan, the post Ghor sickness, Mickelstein, "Mostly", the bus rides, 201 cuddle fests, when Rabia and I became an old Arab couple in traditional dress, the last full night in Jordan staying up til 2am studying for our Arabic final with all of 201/202 and listening to the Qur'an and drinking Trinidad's exquisite chai. The list could go on.

I am thankful for the conversations. About faith, God, Islam, Christianity, relationships, life, the deep stuff, Jordan, politics, the Middle East; in the streets, in our apartments, in the desert late at night, on the balcony at dawn, in taxis, on the bus, at school, at cafés, on the beach, outside the falafel place at Maghreb, while eating kunafa, while waiting for Faruz to make our zinger sandwiches.

They think that four months is not that long. Four months is an eternity.